urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady elegantlady elegantlady 2005-09-13T21:52:35Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:7151 2005-09-13T21:52:35Z 2005-09-13T21:52:35Z Oh my god, can you believe how long its been since i've written in this thing? Ok heres the break down of what has happened to me since march.<br /><br />March<br />Not long after that post, my husband died. Not that we where together mind you, he lived in another county and we both had significant others. But the paper work had not gone through and so i was still legally his wife....but his death was just the beginning.<br /><br />April, Not three weeks after his death, and my mental breakdown, I was fired from my first job in over three years. <br /><br />Luckily i was hired somewhere else five days later. <br /><br />May was tollerable...i worked, tried to catch up on my bills...the normal stressing shit, Then Vane came down and spent two weeks with me...I was happy...<br /><br />June<br />I was fired on father's day. The doctor had found another vet tech with more experience and replaced me...*snaps fingers* like that.<br /><br />Two weeks later i was hired again...closer to home...I loved the job, I loved the people...save one...and she fired me....Though i never worked with this person, and barely spoke to her...i obviously did something to piss her off...<br /><br />For in July i was let go again. Fun huh?<br /><br />August, Vane came back down, spent two more weeks, did the mighty boyfriend routine and paid for everything. Supported me when i felt down and out...held me when i broke down...lol now if the poor boy could cook...i'd of been in female heaven. But heaven wasn't meant to last long.<br /><br />September<br /><br />Vane left on the first...and things went down hill from there...I didn't have my support system, my parents are screaming air force. My bills are now all past due and about to be turned off. My entire house is packed into boxes and im moving in with my parents for a little while... <br /><br />My plan this time is moving to Louisiana. Cause I've realized that the only time i'm even near happy..is when im with Vane. He literally lites up my life. I feel like i can accomplish anything. Yeah this may not be the best time to move....and it may only make it harder on my finacially. But you know...I think its more than worth it. <br /><br />For once in my life, im gonna do what I've said im going to do. <br /><br />Louisiana here I come. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:6826 2005-04-01T14:03:16Z 2005-04-01T14:03:16Z ok now that the pleasantries are over....HAVE A NICE DAY! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:6595 2005-03-31T02:30:02Z 2005-03-31T02:30:02Z We i've got good news and bad news....bad news..nothing exicting has happened to me in days....good news...nothing bad has happened to me in the last few days....I get up..i go to work...i post and of course...i talk to the love of my life....but other than talking to my b/f and posting with friends....nothing really is going on in my life. Everything has settled down....well i do have to go get my tire aired up...but i can do that friday...I have to take the dog to work with me tomorrow...he gets his last heartworm treatment and starts his heartguard...*sighs* well...im sore and tired....i think i'll go finish posting and retire for the evening...tootles urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:6370 2005-03-28T02:44:16Z 2005-03-28T02:44:16Z Well much has happened since i last wrote. I did actually go and meet my b/f at his home for the first time....and god was it amazing. We rode his fourwheeler, went to the movies, the mall, his uncles farm and to this place with a hell of a lot of horses! and before i left one of them had a baby! it was cute in a baby way...but with its face..it will be an ugly adult...All my fears and worries about my trip ended the moment his hand enclosed mine. For one brief week, i had no worries, doubts, fears or cares. I spent every minute with him and my life for the time being was...i dare say...perfect. The feel of his skin against mine, his arm around me. It was like finding peace. I was sheltered and safe. I miss it soooo much. Now that im back home, life is just not the same. Things that use to fill my days seem pale and unreal. My interests have dwindled, memories flood me, day in and day out, i fight to remain sane. Doubts flood my waking moment, causeing my heart to ache and tears to well. Fears that once were only knats in the back of my mind, are now predatory birds, stalking and pecking at my insecurities. My fears intensify b/c im more scared than ever. At first i was worried that all i had felt was...a dream, for lack of a better comparision. Now my fears seem...more real. Though im not scared its a dream anymore. Now im afraid that my dream will be taken from me...either by choice or by circumstance. Im afraid i will never feel that heaven, that peace, again. And from a realization, brought on by a discussion between me and him, i've found that most of my fears center around, one major insecurity. One that im not sure i'll ever truly get over it....and if i dont it wont be fair to him...cause i know deep in my heart...eventually..if i dont overcome it...it will overcome me and i'll end up driving him away...like i did the last one. So i guess my major fear is loosing him....by either circumstance...or by my own folly.... but for now...I have him and i love him. and for him i'll try more than anything to overcome my fears...which i know have been the bane of his existance lately...and try to look forward to the good things we can share together. And hope and pray i do nothing to fuck things up. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:6143 2005-01-30T15:18:03Z 2005-01-30T15:18:03Z OMG i had almost completly forgotten about this thing....AGAIN!<br /><br />Well my life is going..ok....<br />My job is cool even if the Vet i work for is an ASSHOLE<br />But the job itself is cool and I like working with animals<br /> <br />My relationship...well what i have of one...IS AWESOME<br />I love him to death...but i cant see him until MARCH<br />Its killing me! I want to see him so bad....it makes me cry sometimes...<br />but i know that in FOUR more weeks...we'll be together...well for a while and that<br />is worth fighting for! lol urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:5683 2004-12-12T21:53:09Z 2004-12-12T21:53:09Z i just got over being sick for the last week! i hate viruses they're horrible! all pain and no relife until they work themselves through! god i vomitted away six pounds last week and i NEVER want to do it again! no sleep, i looked like shit! i hurt and my head pounded non stop! i think it was a tension headache brought on by all the vomitting! but im just sooo glad thats over! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:5411 2004-11-18T00:36:40Z 2004-11-18T00:36:40Z I FEEL LIKE SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! wait.....ok i figured out why....now to take my midol and get over it.....god today has just sucked! its one of those days where nothing bad happens but you feel like shit. I'ono why it works that way...i've had perfectly horrid days and felt happy as a clam....but today was the first day i can remember having a perfectly fine day where i hated every minute of it. First i thought josh hadn't called me...but come to find out he had...see i have this thing where if i'm called in the middle of the night...ok while im in a deep sleep....i can answer a phone...talk to someone and be totally lucid about it at the time...but as soon as i fall back asleep....i forget the conversation ever took place....guess that happened last night...cause i dont remember him calling...period...*sigh* so that was half of my bad day fixed right their when i got home......hmmmmmm.....but the other half wont be fixed for a few days....three weeks if my doc is correct....but we'll see......until then....i'll just have to deal..... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:5167 2004-11-14T21:07:26Z 2004-11-14T21:07:26Z Well i went to wally world today got some christmas gifts for josh (b/f) and my bro joe. I got joe a cd player and a Ludacris cd and i got josh....whoops lol sorry babe i know you sometimes read this so *wink* hehehe....anyways...works going good not as stressfull as it usually can be...im almost caught up on all my bills....and as mean as this is...im having a fucking feild day annoying the shit out of my room mate lori...she owes me 66 dollars...i asked her for it a week ago and being the bitch she is said i'll have it on the 14th and no sooner...so i said fine...and i have harped on her about it all damn day! AHAHAHAH its really pissing her off...GOOD...she deserves it! but i know it will probably come back around and bite me on the ass...so im gonna enjoy it while its fun!.....yep guess that makes me a bad person in a way..but this bitch has made my life hell for the past three weeks! so i say one day of it is atleast due. *sigh* but other than that my life is going pretty good. im happy and i love some one very special. What more could you ask for? money? yeah sure...but even that runs out eventually...i have the things in life that are free and harder to come by...so i think i have the better end of life's deal. *sigh* well thats my rant for the day.....CYA! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:4955 2004-11-07T21:57:11Z 2004-11-07T21:57:42Z whoa i'd almost forgotten that this thing exisisted. hmmm lets see...hell week has ended at work...Tarin is back on MONDAY! YAY!.....ummmm my computer crashed and i've been using the libraries and my moms to do my posting....my car is almost fixed all i need is a fan and two bumpers and its done....im going to apply for a loan tomorrow for my mom, if i get it she'll pay the monthly payments and i get two hundred of it just for getting her the money! this is soo cool....lesse what else.....well i miss chatting with my friends in the NW chat room.....i miss the fights and convos and just the interaction with everyone. My relationship with josh is doing ok...he's been busy lately...school and shit and i've been so exhausted from work we dont talk as much....but thats another story.....anyways....my room mates are still assholes and i hate living with them...the damn kids keep letting my rottie out and i hate having to be quiet after hours. you know cause the little monsters are asleep...and that usually is the only time i get on the phone with josh.....grrrr.....you ever get the feeling that something just isnt as strong as it was in the beginning?.....sighs.....<br /><br />from dawn till dusk<br />well all will find<br />that nothings as easy<br />as it was the first time<br />things keep changing<br />from day to day<br />and not matter what <br />its never the same urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:4731 2004-10-18T17:03:34Z 2004-10-18T17:03:34Z another day, work..three hour lunch break...back to work..then home to await my evening dose of happiness...i didn't know you could love someone by just knowing thier there. I know everything and yet nothing about him...i know the sound of his voice...the next phraze he'll use...i know the change in his tone as certain times due to certain emotions....i know some of his likes and dis-likes...some of his habits...his forgetfulness...i even know a few of his desires, hopes and dreams...i know of his past and of his dreams of the future...is this enough to love deeply?...my heart says hell yes..but my mind sometimes doesnt agree....thier are some things you can't learn through telling...like...if his touch will touch you as deeply as his voice has already done...if his kiss will set your body aflame...if the sound of his heart beat is soft and lulling as waves on the sand...or hard and pounding like a jackhammer on pavement....does he talk in his sleep?....does his eyes glaze and fade when in thought...does his smile take away all the sadness...i wish i knew these things...guess i'll have to wait till march to find out....grr i hate being patient.....but i'll do it for him... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:4415 2004-10-16T01:16:17Z 2004-10-16T01:16:17Z what a shitty fucking day. screw being a lady, screw being little miss sunshine! these bitches need to take their MIDOL before coming to work! I'm normally a perky(eh yeah i said that) but its true im usually beboppin around, singing to the radio and doing my work...I work in a vets office/ boarding facility....so i'm either cleaning dog pens, walking dogs or in the sergury (sp) room preping or any numerous task i've had to learn...while these women bitch and moan b/c they have to walk a dog! or they are hiding in a back room talking on the phone to their b/f's and then they bitch when closing time comes around and they cant go home b/c everthing is not done....well exsuse me if i had my shit plus theirs to do and i couldn't get it all done before closing.... GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK.....grrrrrr and then on top of that....i get supscious of a certain b/f who is supose to be out with his parents but shows up online and then logs out as soon as i log in...OOO he'd better have a good explaination or the shit is gonna hit the fan!ooo i can't stay online anymore....tara's not on...and bitching to my journal just isnt helping.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:4312 2004-10-12T02:03:50Z 2004-10-12T02:03:50Z i wonder why its so easy for the people you love to hurt you....when other say meaningless things they are just that...meaningless things....but when someone you love says those things....simple phrazes take on totally different meanings.....i wonder why its sooo easy for the right person to say one thing and it effect your whole outlook on life....with the right phraze....said at the right time....the person you love the most....can rip your heart from your chest.....and all you can do is stand their helpless to do nothing but watch it beat its last beat as you slump to the floor.....<br /><br />i know the answer to these questions...and i know that this will never change....the ppl you love are your idols....your peers and their opinion means everything....and when that opinion is less than flattering...it cuts to the quick.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:3973 2004-09-26T01:31:25Z 2004-09-26T01:31:25Z i love my boyfriend i really do! but tonight i dont like him very much. i sound like her! pfft! hey no one said i didnt like the chic, but i'll be damned if im gonna be compared to anyone. i'm me, no matter how i talk! he doesnt hear me saying that he sounds like my X!...he doesnt, but still even if he did happen to say something that my X had said, i sure as hell wouldnt tell him that! GRRRRRRR he even knows how i feel about, said chic! right now i wish he did say or do something like my X, then i'd say he sounded like him and let him see how it feels! AHHHHHH why does love have to come with all these other emotions to? and the sadest part is....he doesnt even realize what im mad about. Totally oblivious to the words that come out of his mouth. HELL to the words he types in the Instant Message! simple scrolling would clue him in! but i doubt he has a clue....and im not in the mood, at this current moment, to enlighten him....*sighs* but i'll forgive him...in a little while...curse that man...i cant stay mad at him. and this time i feel he totally deserves the silent treatment!... but i wont keep silent for long, i'll clue him in, and apologize for my stupid behavior....as i always do.....*sighs* isnt love grand? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:3608 2004-09-15T06:33:52Z 2004-09-15T06:33:52Z Yeah... <br />The sun is shining everyday. <br />The clouds never get in the way for you and me. <br />I've known you just a week or two <br />But baby I'm so into you, I can hardly breathe <br /><br />Verse 1: <br />And I'm in so totally wrapped up, emotionally <br />attracted, so physically acting. <br />So recklessly I need you, so desperately sure <br />as the sky is blue. Baby, I love you. I love you. <br /><br />I never knew that I could feel like this. <br />Can hardly wait till our next kiss, you're so cool. <br />If I'm dreaming, please, don't wake me up, <br />'cause baby, I can't get enough of what you do. <br /><br />Verse 2: <br />And I'm in so electrically charged up, kinetically <br />acting, erratically need you, fanatically you get <br />to me. Magically sure as the sky is blue. <br />Baby I love you, I love you. <br /><br />I can't believe that this is real, the way I feel. <br />Baby I've gone head over heels (head over heels). <br /><br />Verse 1: <br />And I'm in so totally wrapped up, emotionally <br />attracted, so physically acting. <br />So recklessly I need you, so desperately sure <br />as the sky is blue. Baby, I love you. I love you. <br /><br />Verse 2: <br />And I'm in so electrically charged up, kinetically <br />acting, erratically need you, fanatically you get <br />to me. Magically sure as the sky is blue. <br />Baby I love you, I love you. <br /><br /><br />Baby I love you. Baby I love you. <br />Do you love me too? Baby I love you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:3346 2004-09-14T10:11:07Z 2004-09-14T10:11:07Z They had waited for this for so long, and now that it was here, the tension electrified the air. They tip toed around each other, scared to shatter the protective silence. The conversations through out the day had remained light and they avoided the topic that wouldn't stop haunting their minds. So long had they dreamed and hoped that this day would come, and now it was here and neither knew how to express their feelings. <br /><br />She left the living room and headed for the bedroom. The tension had become unbarable. She sighed as she entered the bedroom. This was not how she had invisioned this meeting...but she loved him and would not press him to do something he was not ready for. She proceeded to remove her clothes... The tight pants and confining corest top, she had worn was beginning to irritate her. She decided to swap it out for a long cotton T-shirt that she had always perfered to wear..if she couldn't sleep as she pleased. <br /><br />Nude she strolled over to the dresser where her luggage sat. She began unzipping the grey bag as strong arms encircled her waist and a warm breath teased her ear. She froze. The hands on the bag trembled in awarness. She allowed herself to be pulled back against him. She hands grasped his wrists, not to remove them but to keep her hands from roaming his body. <br /><br />His lips kissed a firey trail along the crest of her shoulder. Shivered as he nibbled the base of her neck, warmth pooled low within her. She felt the hair being lifted off her neck and thrown over her shoulderl, to give him better access to her neck. His hands moved to grasp her hips and pull her more firmly against him. She gasped and her head laid back on his shoulder. He kissed and teased the open exspance of her throat. Wringing a low moan from her. Her body pressed back into his of its own accord.<br /><br />It was a sinful feeling, the cool air on the front of her nude body, against the driving heat of his body pressing into her from behind. Her body throbed and ached for his. The heat corsing through her viens turned to fire as his hands began to roam...... hehehe i think thats enough for one night....plz feel free to fill in the rest as you choose...i think i'll do a little more of this tomorrow night.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:3143 2004-09-14T03:28:01Z 2004-09-14T03:28:01Z OOOOOOOOO that evil evil man! he's playing with my mind agian! Behave! hmph! how can i behave when he's giving me way to much material to work with! I can't control my erotic thoughts! anymore than i can stop myself from loving him! oooooooo i'll get you for this my love! I'll torture your mind and body till you can't think! he he he!<br />My torture shall be slow and painless, but it will make you moan just the same... whoa! i gotta stop! breathe...breathe....ok ok ...um...um....ooo food! i'll go get something to eat! that cant be erotic can it?...hmmm only one way to find out! *wonders off to fridge* urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:2867 2004-09-13T06:09:04Z 2004-09-13T06:09:04Z ahhhhh i've poured my self out into an email and now sit staring at another empty page to fill....*sigh* but fill it i shall...for you and who ever else wishes to read this...I miss the chats that went on in NW...not that i don't see most of you anyways...but there are some that i do not see as often as i would like...to those i wish you well and hope your lives are going as great as mine now seems to be.......Well the stars are out tonight..err this morning...its 2 a.m. here. Can't sleep have things to do..and a wonderful person to keep thinking about... but back to those stars...I found a poem i wrote..god two years ago...if you ever go outside at night...for any reason...turn off all the lights and just look...those are diamonds that no one can corrupt...resting in a blanket of blue/black satin. They belong to everyone and no one...and we all look at the same sky. So in a sense we are all together beneath it....lol and the fievel goes west song plays in my head....ok heres my poem <br /><br />FALLING STARS<br /><br />When i wish a wish, on the stars at night<br />i wish on stars that stay up high<br />the ones that resist the urge to fall<br />the ones that twinkle and gleam for us all<br /><br />For they are the stars that grant the wish<br />the wish you put all you heart into<br />so simple it seems to wish on the falling star<br />on the ones that have fallen so very far<br /><br />They can't hear your wish this night<br />Their no longer in the sky<br />they cant gleam or twinkle anymore<br />now their just legends, simple folk lore<br /><br />But when you wish on the stars tonite<br />Pick the ones that twinkle and shine<br />Wish on them cause they can hear<br />the ones up high but yet so near<br /><br />For they are the ones who watch and listen<br />sparkle and shine and gleam and glisten<br />They take your wish and pull it close<br />and grant the ones you want the most<br /><br />~lady~<br /><br />So now good night to you all and/or good morning...my love to you all and my heart to you my love... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:2682 2004-09-12T09:45:07Z 2004-09-12T09:45:07Z It gets harder and harder to watch him leave. I know he'll return and with him my heart... but when he's gone...all i can do is think of him. I miss him...im not sad per say...but im not complete either. I want to cry b/c he's gone.. but i want to dance and sing the joy i feel b/c i know he'll come back because he loves me with the same intensity as i love him... ahhhh he's right... its creepy hearing the songs on the radio that seem to say what you feel...but then that creepiness is replaced by the overwhelming urge to run and tell him. <br /><br /><br />*sings* <br />theres no way i can make with out you<br />theres no way that i'd even try<br />if i had to survive with out you in my life<br />i know i wouldn't last a day<br />oh baby theres no way urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:2392 2004-09-12T02:28:56Z 2004-09-12T02:28:56Z *sigh* now back to my fog. hehe i like it in here.... except he's not here...im waiting ....i hate waiting..im not a patient person... wonder what he's doing....hmm why is it taking him so long... i miss him....but im trying to keep busy... lol not hard really... between three ims and thinking about him... im totally distracting myself. well not totally....im still thinking about him...even though im trying to pay attention to poet, celey and tiggy all at the same time...and yet still... he's never far from my mind... i can't help it... lol not that i want to... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:2145 2004-09-12T01:39:13Z 2004-09-12T01:39:13Z i've been so caught up in my new found happiness... i had forgotten to write my sunshine her poem... this is a rough draft sunshine... i promise it will get better once i edit it......<br /><br />I wake up, its dark and dim<br />I set my jaw, this day looks grim<br /><br />I get online to pass the time<br />and smile once i see my sunshine<br /><br />My sunshine makes me smile <br />and brightens my day for more than just a while<br /><br />She hyper and funny<br />and better than any money<br /><br />She sweet and kind<br />though sometimes out of her mind!<br /><br />She throws jello at me<br />then giggles with glee<br /><br />There's no one like her<br />she's one of a kind!<br />And im happy to say... <br />she's a best friend of mine urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:1863 2004-09-11T09:01:09Z 2004-09-11T17:39:38Z I can't seem to stop smiling. I can't get the blush to fade from my cheeks or the warm feeling to leave my heart. I want to dance.. sing.. scream.. cry.. and write. Well i chose write..lol.. don't want to scare my gliders. <br />*sigh* <br /><br />Its a glow, a warmth from within<br />a simple word backed by a thousand meanings<br />a million different feelings<br />and only one person who makes you feel it<br /><br />its a place you went together<br />a sun rise you met, wrapped in each others arms<br />that first kiss<br />and only one person you want to share it with<br /><br />this funny little word changes everything and nothing<br />it gives you hope and happiness<br />life and laughter<br />with the only person you want to say it to...<br /><br /><br />well writing it down didn't lessen these feelings... but now my smile def. wont fade... if anything its only making it worse. hmmmm what can i say... i love the fog im in. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:1613 2004-09-11T05:03:36Z 2004-09-11T09:03:43Z I just can't seem to get it right <br />im wrong by day and wrong by night<br />i really think this feeling never ends<br />why is it that we have to be just friends<br />why can't i have a normal life<br />not filled with all the pain and strife<br /><br />if i was there with you right now<br />i know we'd never wonder how<br />we could please each other when we meet<br />i can't imagine anything as sweet<br />i'd kiss your lips and touch your hair<br />and show you just how much i care<br /><br />but you are there and i am here<br />this is the thing that i most fear<br />that we will never meet in warm embrace<br />oh,tell me that you long to see my face<br />tell me i am wrong<br />tell me this isn't just another sad love song<br /><br />tell me that you long for me<br />tell me how you long to be<br />with me every minute of the day<br />listening for the words i long to say<br />tell me, when i long for you<br />that your there and feel it, too<br /><br />l long to tell you how i care<br />I long to show you i'll be there<br />and when all you dream of is our first kiss<br />oh my darling, just remeber this<br />when all the world around you comes apart<br />no one else will have my heart<br /><br />so, here's to us, here in the night<br />our burning love our only light<br />here's to love and joy and peace<br />and memories that will never cease<br />as long as i can love you in my rhymes<br />i know i'll make it in these lonely times urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:1358 2004-09-10T23:22:14Z 2004-09-11T03:10:30Z I heat up, I can't cool down <br />You got me spinnin' <br />'Round and 'round <br />'Round and 'round and 'round it goes <br />Where it stops nobody knows <br /><br />Every time you call my name <br />I heat up like a burnin' flame <br />Burnin' flame full of desire <br />Kiss me baby, let the fire get higher <br /><br />Abra-abra-cadabra <br />I want to reach out and grab ya <br />Abra-abra-cadabra <br />Abracadabra <br /><br />You make me hot, you make me sigh <br />You make me laugh, you make me cry <br />Keep me burnin' for your love <br />With the touch of a velvet glove <br /><br />Abra-abra-cadabra <br />I want to reach out and grab ya <br />Abra-abra-cadabra <br />Abracadabra <br /><br />I feel the magic in your caress <br />I feel magic when I touch your dress <br />Silk and satin, leather and lace <br />Black panties with an angel's face <br /><br />I see magic in your eyes <br />I hear the magic in your sighs <br />Just when I think I'm gonna get away <br />I hear those words that you always say <br /><br />Abra-abra-cadabra <br />I want to reach out and grab ya <br />Abra-abra-cadabra <br />Abracadabra <br /><br />Every time you call my name <br />I heat up like a burnin' flame <br />Burnin' flame full of desire <br />Kiss me baby, let the fire get higher <br /><br />I heat up, I can't cool down <br />My situation goes 'round and 'round <br />I heat up, I can't cool down <br />My situation goes 'round and 'round <br />I heat up, I can't cool down <br />My situation goes 'round and 'round urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:1064 2004-09-10T13:33:05Z 2004-09-10T23:06:20Z i wonder if everyone's erotic dreams are as vivid as mine? so far i've had two this week.... i have an idea why... but who knows...and damn two in a row thats a record for me. hmmm....speaking of which its laundry day...anyways...right now im babysitting... not much to do for the next three hours till they get up soo i think i'll crash on the couch and see if i can get lucky with dream number three... hmmm that may not be such a good idea... who knows what sounds i might make in my sleep... change of plans im gonna hang around a while then chill... well after a rather long chat with tiggy i don't think i'll sleep period.. not her fault... the topic just hit to close to home.... but its time to log off till tonight...<br /><br />.... well its tonight...hmmmm got an email from a friend that made me feel better... then i'ono... to quote a close personal friend *I blinked and i felt like shit*... hell then like minutes later another friend im'd me and now i feel fine.... i think my friends are right... when im in a mood.. i switch on and off like a damn light switch....and then when im happy im overly happy... like im trying to hard... i dont know... Its just when im happy i want to stay that way....i hate being moody or nervous for that matter...neither does anything but drive me nutz and make me loose more fingernails....hmmmm urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:elegantlady:898 2004-09-10T05:29:26Z 2004-09-10T05:29:26Z my lips are firmly sealed<br />my feelings for you are mine alone<br />and not for you to hear<br />heart does long to speak its case<br />but i'll not give it leave<br />i drug it away kicking and screaming<br />bound and gaged and tied<br />its locked away somewhere in side<br />never to be released<br /><br />but now you know and what can i say<br />what could i say that you havent heard before<br />how can i tell you how you make me feel<br />how your words fill my heart<br />simple words you twist and bend<br />and make me wish for things that can't come true<br />you've begun haunting my dreams<br />and stalking my mind in day time<br />i can't seem to shake you<br />and im not sure i really want to......